Yay!
Mac and Cheese! Childhood favorite! Interesting how I haven't made any until day, and I'm 21.
Here's how it went:
Reading instructions... Notice about how after 4.5-5 minutes in the microwave, the bowl will be very hot. I noticed this because I have no heat tolerance, and am like a little girl (who hasn't spent time in a kitchen.)
Begin preparing macaronis. Pour out 1 bag into bowl.
SUDDENLY BECOME ENRAGED WITH SERVING SIZE!
Pretty sure I said, "My ass could eat one serving of this!"
Proceed to pour in second serving.
Still ruminating on how they have child like proportions. Realize it's mac and cheese. Get more mad.
"It's like they DON'T want kids to get fat these days!" Seriously, the servings are bird food.
Scour kitchen for a measuring cup.
Did I already know that 1 cup = 8 fl. ounces? Nope. Did I find out? Yep. Did I get mad about that too?
You know it!
Pour water into bowl.
Put into meecrowav. On high, 2.5 minutes, because it said 5.
Remove bowl.
BURN THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF MY FINGERS. WTF. WTF?!
You think warning me about the heat of the bowl is going to stop ME from burning MY fingers? Fuck you Mac and Cheese box.
Let it cool down.
Open "cheese" bag 1.
Haha, this cheese is a powder. Why is this cheese a powder? Shrug. Pour in, mix.
Open "cheese" bag 2.
This cheese is also a powder. Pour, mix.
Eat.
Yummy!
And the most important note: I was finishing off a bottle of red wine while doing this. I feel like this is the reason they don't let kids drink, aside from physiological things. Red wine and Mac and Cheese. I am the biggest 8 year old on the block.
No seriously, I probably am.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Productivity at Work
This is what I did at work today.
(That's a microwave.)
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| Cover your food, clean after each uses! [sic] Thank you; |
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| DO NOT Leave unattended in pool. |
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Innovation and Technology
Well it has certainly been a busy however many days since my last post...
A lot of great things have been happening that have kept me rather busy.
But those things are boring.
What isn't boring is my epic struggle against a Horse Fly.
This was no ordinary Thursday night, this was the night we left the outside door open to bring in the plants, because yes; it's literally going to freeze tonight, September 15th. Cool, pun not intended (sarcasm on the other hand...)
So I'm bringing in some heavy ass potted plants when suddenly several flies and other insects make their collective presence known by loudly flying about the living room area.
Many died in the initial assault.
But morale was still high for the insects for their Great and Powerful Champion Horse Fly lived on.
Bewildered that I lost track of one of them, I went up to my room to pout, only to find him being a loud ass horse fly near my computer.
These were tight quarters and as awesome as it is to spray raid all over your computer and screen, it isn't. I feinted an escape (as a ploy to get the fly out of my room) and I knew I had the upper hand when he followed.
With silent rage I followed the fly into my bathroom, and closed the door effectively trapping him inside with me and bottle of Raid. He dodged spray after spray, and I quickly left the bathroom with my lungs only slightly burning. At this point I was wondering to myself 'how the fuck is he still alive?'
I needed to upgrade my arsenal.
A towel and bottle of raid would be the means to his grave.
After airing out the room by quickly fanning the door open and closed I covered my mouth with my shirt collar and ran in. Swatting and hi-yahing about I finally pinned him to the ground. As I raised the bottle of Raid over his smug fly face he made one last swipe at my nose and with an impressive backward bend and swat, he was dropped, only to have the remainder of the bottle poured into his VERY BEING.
Victory was mine.
I'm still kind of coughing.
A lot of great things have been happening that have kept me rather busy.
But those things are boring.
What isn't boring is my epic struggle against a Horse Fly.
This was no ordinary Thursday night, this was the night we left the outside door open to bring in the plants, because yes; it's literally going to freeze tonight, September 15th. Cool, pun not intended (sarcasm on the other hand...)
So I'm bringing in some heavy ass potted plants when suddenly several flies and other insects make their collective presence known by loudly flying about the living room area.
Many died in the initial assault.
But morale was still high for the insects for their Great and Powerful Champion Horse Fly lived on.
Bewildered that I lost track of one of them, I went up to my room to pout, only to find him being a loud ass horse fly near my computer.
These were tight quarters and as awesome as it is to spray raid all over your computer and screen, it isn't. I feinted an escape (as a ploy to get the fly out of my room) and I knew I had the upper hand when he followed.
With silent rage I followed the fly into my bathroom, and closed the door effectively trapping him inside with me and bottle of Raid. He dodged spray after spray, and I quickly left the bathroom with my lungs only slightly burning. At this point I was wondering to myself 'how the fuck is he still alive?'
I needed to upgrade my arsenal.
A towel and bottle of raid would be the means to his grave.
After airing out the room by quickly fanning the door open and closed I covered my mouth with my shirt collar and ran in. Swatting and hi-yahing about I finally pinned him to the ground. As I raised the bottle of Raid over his smug fly face he made one last swipe at my nose and with an impressive backward bend and swat, he was dropped, only to have the remainder of the bottle poured into his VERY BEING.
Victory was mine.
I'm still kind of coughing.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Legally an Adult
My mother had a few coworkers over for a dinner just now.
After shaking hands and saying hello, the topic of food was discussed. And my mother, being the informative type, told me that her guests had brought many good eats.
At this point I proceeded to say how excited I was to finally eat again, and that I thought it was funny how there was only ever food in the house when people came over. I also said to her that my bruises were healing up fine, and that I had to switch gauze pads, but the bleeding had generally stopped.
Her coworkers looked confused.
After not sleeping much again, I am unsure as to whether this is because they believed me, or because I am 20 years old; and lying about not having anything to eat, and being beaten is incredibly inane, and does not invoke much sympathy. Which is all I can really hope for.
But it was apparently a little funny.
After shaking hands and saying hello, the topic of food was discussed. And my mother, being the informative type, told me that her guests had brought many good eats.
At this point I proceeded to say how excited I was to finally eat again, and that I thought it was funny how there was only ever food in the house when people came over. I also said to her that my bruises were healing up fine, and that I had to switch gauze pads, but the bleeding had generally stopped.
Her coworkers looked confused.
After not sleeping much again, I am unsure as to whether this is because they believed me, or because I am 20 years old; and lying about not having anything to eat, and being beaten is incredibly inane, and does not invoke much sympathy. Which is all I can really hope for.
But it was apparently a little funny.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Food, Hunger, and Appearances
There is nothing like being hungry and being able to eat.
Have you sat down and thought about that? Have you stood up and continued to think about it? I don't want to be sentimental, but the fact that if I'm hungry I can eat is amazing.
That being said, I feel like abusing my good fortune.
So, I am a very hungry dude, hours after waking up and not eating because I am distracted by things like, cat gifs, cat pictures, cat stories, and Youtube I still haven't eaten.
I venture downstairs to find a whole chicken (it was dead) waiting for me. And you may not know this about me, but I can eat. Yesterday I ate a whole 12 inch pizza then a fudge brownie desert with a mango smoothie, and then I had a burger later on. Whatever, I work out.
That makes it okay in my head.
So, I love finding a 2.5 pound dead and skinned bird waiting for my hungry face. Also enjoyable for me, is ripping the chicken apart with my bare damn hands, because I am a man, and need not the finer things such as eating utensils. That being said, take away my cell phone or iPod and I'll fight you.
Yum yum yum, so I've torn the chicken limb from limb, wing from body and am ready to eat.
Which brings me to my next point, my body. I got fitted for a suit yesterday at the local mall. Am I buying a suit? What kind of occasion? The answer to both of these questions is no.
Thankfully, I am great at acting like I need to buy a $400.00 suit in the interest of getting my measurements so I can buy much cheaper clothes. Now don't get me wrong, I love dressing up for a formal occasion, I love suits, and ties, and shiny leather shoes. Unfortunately, no matter how much of my budget I remove from food and gas, I can't fit in $400.00 suit. For now...
That being said, I was told I would need an athletic cut, because of my athletically cut body, which made me smile lots. I guess I can wait for a $400.00 suit, seeing as how I don't need one, the woes of being me.
(If you want to help, I am a 42Regular coat, 16 inseam, 41.5 outseam, 42 in the chest, 50 overarm, 16 neck! (if you need other specifications, just ask! I've got all this information on a piece of paper!))
Accepting paypal.
Have you sat down and thought about that? Have you stood up and continued to think about it? I don't want to be sentimental, but the fact that if I'm hungry I can eat is amazing.
That being said, I feel like abusing my good fortune.
So, I am a very hungry dude, hours after waking up and not eating because I am distracted by things like, cat gifs, cat pictures, cat stories, and Youtube I still haven't eaten.
I venture downstairs to find a whole chicken (it was dead) waiting for me. And you may not know this about me, but I can eat. Yesterday I ate a whole 12 inch pizza then a fudge brownie desert with a mango smoothie, and then I had a burger later on. Whatever, I work out.
That makes it okay in my head.
So, I love finding a 2.5 pound dead and skinned bird waiting for my hungry face. Also enjoyable for me, is ripping the chicken apart with my bare damn hands, because I am a man, and need not the finer things such as eating utensils. That being said, take away my cell phone or iPod and I'll fight you.
Yum yum yum, so I've torn the chicken limb from limb, wing from body and am ready to eat.
Which brings me to my next point, my body. I got fitted for a suit yesterday at the local mall. Am I buying a suit? What kind of occasion? The answer to both of these questions is no.
Thankfully, I am great at acting like I need to buy a $400.00 suit in the interest of getting my measurements so I can buy much cheaper clothes. Now don't get me wrong, I love dressing up for a formal occasion, I love suits, and ties, and shiny leather shoes. Unfortunately, no matter how much of my budget I remove from food and gas, I can't fit in $400.00 suit. For now...
That being said, I was told I would need an athletic cut, because of my athletically cut body, which made me smile lots. I guess I can wait for a $400.00 suit, seeing as how I don't need one, the woes of being me.
(If you want to help, I am a 42Regular coat, 16 inseam, 41.5 outseam, 42 in the chest, 50 overarm, 16 neck! (if you need other specifications, just ask! I've got all this information on a piece of paper!))
Accepting paypal.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Mornings
Last night I made a very sincere effort to try and get what my phone reminded me was 6 hours and 42 minutes of sleep (time until my alarm wakes me up).
Now because I am have no real alarm clock, my phone is my alarm clock. Many thank yous to the android system. But because my phone charger is a literally a piece of shit (crapped out by some shitty (pun intended) robot no doubt) I have to connect my phone to my computer via a USB port.
What I'm getting at is, I keep my computer on at night while I sleep.
I dislike having light in my face when I sleep and lack the capacity or motivation to find a way to close the computer and still be able to charge my phone. This is going to be a long post, I can tell you that now.
So, I devised a way to not only block light from my screen but also to help me get ready quicker in the morning. In retrospect, there are more efficient ways to block light, but they don't make me laugh out loud to myself, alone.
I grabbed the shirt I would be wearing today, and put it over my computer. This was immediately funny. As it looked like my laptop had places to be, and it was 2:00 AM so that notion was absurd. This I am pretty sure is a brilliant idea and I copyright it. Just now.
So after waking up at 6:30 and falling asleep slightly before then I received an estimated 2 hours 21 minutes of sleep last night and greeted my computer this morning with a "Oh, lovely shirt you have on there Mr. Lappy. Mind if I borrow it? Of course not! You're too kind." I was alone, but after 2 hours of sleep and having an extremely long day ahead of you, nothing really matters.
My mind wandered to days when I need a suit coat, tie, and button up shirt for the day, and I will take a picture of how sharp and business ready Mr. Lappy looks on those days. I would imagine he would look like a million bucks. Yeah, my laptop is male.
Proceeding laughing at myself I decided to go to school as such was my prerogative for the day. As a side note, listening to Drum and Bass music while driving will get me a speeding ticket, it's just a matter of time now.
After a lovely introduction in class today that went as follows "Hey everyone, My name is [x], I'm glad to be hear, I'm feeling a little bit congested though, so if you hear sniffling a lot, direct your glares to me. And not my table partner Brian." Brian had just introduced himself and doesn't seem to care for me much for whatever reason.
Then our instructor instructed (ha) us to right any questions we had for her and she would read them to the class in a sort of 'I get to talk about myself, getting to know you' exercise. Me being me, my questions were as follows:
Oh well, now I get to go to work and try to sell things with my brain being tired. I'm not going to correct any of the glaring grammatical errors, because I am actually tired and this is literary honesty.
Now because I am have no real alarm clock, my phone is my alarm clock. Many thank yous to the android system. But because my phone charger is a literally a piece of shit (crapped out by some shitty (pun intended) robot no doubt) I have to connect my phone to my computer via a USB port.
What I'm getting at is, I keep my computer on at night while I sleep.
I dislike having light in my face when I sleep and lack the capacity or motivation to find a way to close the computer and still be able to charge my phone. This is going to be a long post, I can tell you that now.
So, I devised a way to not only block light from my screen but also to help me get ready quicker in the morning. In retrospect, there are more efficient ways to block light, but they don't make me laugh out loud to myself, alone.
I grabbed the shirt I would be wearing today, and put it over my computer. This was immediately funny. As it looked like my laptop had places to be, and it was 2:00 AM so that notion was absurd. This I am pretty sure is a brilliant idea and I copyright it. Just now.
So after waking up at 6:30 and falling asleep slightly before then I received an estimated 2 hours 21 minutes of sleep last night and greeted my computer this morning with a "Oh, lovely shirt you have on there Mr. Lappy. Mind if I borrow it? Of course not! You're too kind." I was alone, but after 2 hours of sleep and having an extremely long day ahead of you, nothing really matters.
My mind wandered to days when I need a suit coat, tie, and button up shirt for the day, and I will take a picture of how sharp and business ready Mr. Lappy looks on those days. I would imagine he would look like a million bucks. Yeah, my laptop is male.
Proceeding laughing at myself I decided to go to school as such was my prerogative for the day. As a side note, listening to Drum and Bass music while driving will get me a speeding ticket, it's just a matter of time now.
After a lovely introduction in class today that went as follows "Hey everyone, My name is [x], I'm glad to be hear, I'm feeling a little bit congested though, so if you hear sniffling a lot, direct your glares to me. And not my table partner Brian." Brian had just introduced himself and doesn't seem to care for me much for whatever reason.
Then our instructor instructed (ha) us to right any questions we had for her and she would read them to the class in a sort of 'I get to talk about myself, getting to know you' exercise. Me being me, my questions were as follows:
- "How aaaaare you?"
- "Do you have a favorite food, if so what is it?"
- "Do you have a favorite drink, if so what is it?"
- "Do you concern yourself with humanities seemingly changing ethical codes?"
- "Do you have a favorite place to eat hamburger?"
Oh well, now I get to go to work and try to sell things with my brain being tired. I'm not going to correct any of the glaring grammatical errors, because I am actually tired and this is literary honesty.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Insight
Some of you may be wondering something around the lines of: "Oh wow, this blog sure has an interesting design, and it's color scheme is unique. I want to visit this page more for said reasons."
Others of you don't think like machines.
And others yet may be saying "What the hell, pink and grey? Who designed this shit?"
And I have the answer to that question. Me, I designed this shit. Here are some things about me:
Others of you don't think like machines.
And others yet may be saying "What the hell, pink and grey? Who designed this shit?"
And I have the answer to that question. Me, I designed this shit. Here are some things about me:
- I love mango's
- I have too many hobbies
- My hair is dark brown
- I wear a size 11 to 11.5 shoe
- I prefer eggs
- I'm colorblind
Banana Doubter?
My friend likes to occasionally talk in his sleep.
I am an easily amused individual most days and or nights. So upon noticing him giggling every time the chair I was sleeping in made a sound, I had to investigate further.
After 15 minutes or so of investigative, scientific testing it seemed that a slight squeaking sound would prompt my friend into gentle giggling. Naturally I had to up the ante and when I shifted loudly in my chair, he abruptly said "Banana Power."
Almost immediately I thought he said 'Banana Doubter' and proceeded to visualize this:
I'm not either...
I am an easily amused individual most days and or nights. So upon noticing him giggling every time the chair I was sleeping in made a sound, I had to investigate further.
After 15 minutes or so of investigative, scientific testing it seemed that a slight squeaking sound would prompt my friend into gentle giggling. Naturally I had to up the ante and when I shifted loudly in my chair, he abruptly said "Banana Power."
Almost immediately I thought he said 'Banana Doubter' and proceeded to visualize this:
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| A stereotypical "doubter" |
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