Hold Your Applause, Or Tears, Or Judgement...

Still waiting on that post I referenced in the previous post about a future post?

Well done!  Your patience is commendable, but this isn't it.  Keep waiting, it will exist.  (How can I make claims about the future? (Too much epistemology class...(I fucking love embedded parenthesis.)))

A thought occurred to me today, several of them to be precise.

The first was an interesting (to me) thought about the nature of reality, and if the brain can overcome 'reality,' lets say in this case, desensitize pain into nothingness through sheer willpower, what does that say about the nature of an objective reality if we all have the potential power to just, ignore it...?

Anyway, the more inane, mundane, but comical (to me) thought I had today had to deal with hasty emotional investments.

Here's some situations:

1.  "I'm 19 years old, going to school, trying to keep a part time job, but it's hard in this economy you know?  Anyway; my mom died unexpectedly last night.  I don't know what to do anymore.  My dad left us a few years ago, and I have no idea where he is or how to contact him, and now... I'm entirely alone, and scared, and we never had much money so, possibly soon to be homeless."


In scenario 1, I think it would be safe to say that you feel bad for said 19 year old human, that's really harsh, rough stuff, totally a difficult situation to find yourself in.  If presented to an audience, there might be a reaction of sadness, maybe even wanting to help.  Seems normal and reasonable right?

Let's move on...

"I'm entirely alone, and scared, and we never had much money so, possibly soon to be homeless..."
AND
a.  "She died unexpectedly, because I didn't think I would kill her last night.  Which I did, I smothered her with her pillow while she was sleeping."


Ooh, yeah... Do you feel bad for feeling bad?  You maybe should.  I'm not here to pass ridiculous moral judgement though, just guiding a feelings roller coaster.

Let's move on...

"Which I did, I smothered her with her pillow while she was sleeping..."
AND
b.  "I felt like I was killing myself along with her, I had been selfish for far too long.  She'd fallen very ill with a degenerative disease and had been begging me for a peaceful death over the past year after failing to end her own life time and time again for months.  I couldn't stand the idea of losing her though, and never wanted to entertain the idea of her passing.  It became clearer and clearer as the months dragged on that I was being selfish and immature, and that her suffering was needless, I just needed to learn to let go..."

See?  Now we feel a little better about it.  I take a pretty 'Kevorkian' stance to these sorts of situations, so for me, no moral issue here, and for the sake of the experiment let's see this mercy killing as a favor wanted by both parties.

Let's move on...

"her suffering was needless, I just needed to learn to let go..."
AND
c. "Her disease had progressed slowly but relentlessly, just as I planned the night I injected the needle into my sleeping mothers arm, passing onto her the dreaded degenerative virus...  Let that be the last time she ever takes my car keys away."

WEREN'T YOU JUST PITYING THIS PERSON?  GOD YOU'RE AN AWFUL PERSON, WORSE THAN THAT PERSON MAYBE!

Wasn't that exhausting?  Well, if you throw yourself in the emotional deep end for every story you hear, it certainly must be exhausting.

You know what?  This post actually might have a point.

Ladies, gentleman, before causing yourself some exhausting emotional crisis when you hear news, good, bad, whatever; please please please, get all the information before you make a decision.  I think this goes doubly when it has to do with judging a person or their situation, consider all the factors before you make a decision about how to feel about another person.  It's a good skill to have.

This post got far too serious.

This is a post informing you of a future post, isn't that incredible?

Hey, for my newest masterpiece (a hand drawn (in Paint) comic), I will abuse a joke, that may not be understood, depending on where you grew up.

Look for it in the coming future.

My intent is no mere coincidence, and the fact that you have no clue what I mean is perfect.

Good luck.

The Past, The Future, The Self.

It feels like every god damn thing from my teenage years is a fucking embarrassment.  An embarrassment I am masochistically able to share with whomever asks to see what I was like.

Even reading previous blog posts makes me want to hang (myself) my head in shame.  I remember being oh so excited to write about my inane banter on the internet, to a population of roughly 10 people, 1 of them being myself...

So it took a lot of willpower, to not just burn this blog to the ground, and instead write about how everything I write about in the past is shameful to the point of giving me heartburn.  

Of course, some ridiculous time traveling reference aside, I can guess that when future me sees this post by past me, some curious things are going to happen... (Seeing as how I haven't really addressed future me in writing, aside from making a time capsule in the fifth grade to open upon my high school graduation... I remember thinking (as 17 year old high school grad me) that fifth grader me was a cheeky fucker who made me laugh a bit, but was a fucking dumb ass, and saying 'ironically...' would be wrong because *obviously* current me (22 y/o wtf am I doing college stuff me) thinks that 17 year old high school loser me is a loser, and I'm better than that guy, in literally every way.  

Somehow this feels like I'm setting myself up for disappointment...

Now that was a rant!  (Nice.))

Bet you forgot that shit was in parentheses.

Anyway, curious things will happen:

• I hate numbered lists.
• I will get annoyed at my past self for referencing my future self, which will have been "clever" but nonetheless annoying to me.  (Me being the future me reading this in the future, assuming I don't go blind, and they don't have internet braille. (Keep up.))
• I will be surprisingly happy with my insight and reward myself with treats.  
• I will laugh at the absurdity of my foolish and weak past self trying to predict future behavior.
• I will nostalgically remember moments in my life like this night and smile/frown/burp.  
• Who reads this shit?

Basically what I'm saying is, it is some dark tormented black magic that sustains the idea that I'm happy with who I am at the moment when considering that the future looking back me is almost always disappointed.  Maybe that's just a part of knowing that one day you will die, and every day you look back on yourself is a measure of how far you've come, AND SECRETLY THE WHOLE TIME, I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF I'M BETTER NOW THAN I WAS BECAUSE IF I HAVEN'T GROWN OVER TIME THAT I AM STAGNATING AND I DO NOT WANT MOSQUITO LARVA(E) GROWING IN MY WATERS OF FAILURE.

Okay well that got too real.

Time to double check this and make sure I didn't commit any horrendously lazy grammatical errors that I will judge in the fast approaching future as shamefully unacceptable.  

I'm proud of you future me.  <-- That shit is impossible.

(And to the poor bastard(s) in Turkey reading my blog, literally what the hell are you doing?)